After thoughts..

Hi everyone!!

It has been a kidda busy week[s] since my last post.. But surprisingly, I'd actually journal it down on my Home Coming Retreat Booklet on April Fool. Even till now, I still believe, it is valid. This is what I had written:

It has been 3 days since Landings ended but my mind is still w/ Landings for the past 3 days, @ every moment. I will never forget how God's grace has been given to us (esp the bros & I), the love He has embraced us w/ & like what Anthony said, His mercy has been shown.

Like what Paul said previously, "Show me the burning bush & I will believe." Yes, that was whatI used to say too. But for some reasons, I know why God did not showed tt to me. 1 simple reason: I will freak out.

I remembered there were several times when God actually appeared to me..either to tell me something, or to give me a hug.. I really freak out.

The 1st time was in 2001 when Iwas alone, weeping in the church hall on the feast day. I was sitting @ one of the pews all by myself. Jesus appeared in front of me & gave me a super big hug. By my earside, He whispered, "Be not afraid, I am w you." To think back, I really like it. I like the hug, I like the divine embracement. But I freak out.

The 2nd time was in 2008 when I was in the adoration room @ CSC. The vision I had which almost slained me. I freaked out too.

I kept praying to God, telling Him that I will surrender myself to Him & will give Him my all.. but.. whenever He appears to me, I just freaked out. I am so disappointed w/ myself. I supposed the main reason why He chose not to appear to me is because He knows me so well. He knows that it is my desire to see Him & talk to Him & listen to Him face to face but somehow or rather, I am just not prepared. I am not ready.

During Landings, I am really so happy & glad that You had used me so remarkedly to reach out to so many ppl w/o myself knowing abt it/ being aware of it. It is until the retreat when I look back & noticed all the wonderful things You had done. I am really so happy that You are answering my prayer- ie to use me as Your instrument to reach out to people to come to know You better, to affirm Your presence & to most importantly to inform ppl out there that You have great plans for them. For fear that I will freak out, You used such wonderful way to use me.

Thank You Lord.

I really wasnt thinking so much abt speaking up for You during sharings nor to show ppl Your power. But You'd sent the Holy Spirit upon me to help me. He had really helped me alot So much that I also "freaked out" in a way.. I am simply being filled w/ awesome.

Lord, I will never forget how You made everything so beautifully frm the day I told my mum I am going for the retreat to the actual day of the retreat when I also couldnt make it. I am really glad that You came so upclose to welcome me to the retreat. When I arrived at the retreat centre, everyone was in prep for confession. Yes Lord, thank you so much for welcoming me during my 1st hour in the retreat. I am really really v v touched.

During the mass on the last day, my heart just sank, the moment Your blood flows in my mouth. I just cried uncontrollably. Tears just roll down w/o my own realization. Thank You Lord, for the sacrifices & death You had to undergo just as to show me the way. I am really so glad & touched that You had chosen me even b4 I was borned.

This actually reminded me of what happened during the last day of YISS. On the last day during praying over, I'd totally lost control of my body. It just couldnt move at all. I was unable to get up even thou I wanted to & my eye lids just felt so heavy. Then one voice came, "Do you feel that your hands & feelts are pierced by nails?"YesLord, I really felt that. Thank You for allowing me to feel Your pain.

Yes Lord, I am here. Strengthen me. Give me strength & courage to overcome my fear. I pray that I will not freak outhe next time You appear to me.

Yes Lord, thank You so much.

**Always Keep Him in your heart. In everything, give thanks.. for it is God's will for you in Christ Jesus..**