BROKE

Today is only 19Sept2010.. & I am broke..

V v broke..

Even my savings for my sch fees had been used up..

I wanna thank Ling.. for the night spent w/ me for dinner on Fri.. All it takes was a simple dinner thou.. & a stroll.. & I know that my views/ perspectives are different from others..

Praise God.. for yet another affirmation..

Well.. both of us were quite broke lar.. so we decided to share why we are broke this mth & to do some reflection abt it..

I'd told her abt what I did:
- for OpW (approx 200)..
- my telecom bills (2mths-250; this incl my mum's bill as well.. did not realise my last mth's deduction did not get thro)..
- my broadband (3mths-120; something which i always put aside coz I am not using this broadband)..
- my keyboard lesson ($100; many may ask me not to continue w/ this but I seriously want to continue w/ the proper lesson.. its my dream..) etc etc..

Each mth after deducting all my contribution, savings etc, I am usually left w/ abt $400 for my transport (approx $120-$160 mthly, & it depends) + expenses.. Looking at what I'd spent from above, you can see that it has far exceeded what I could have done.. so, I'd used this mth's "supposed- savings" ( $150) on OpW's items.. took $50 (OpW) & $100 (tel) from my "put-a-side" savings.. & not forgetting $120 (m1) which I'd also drawn frm my "put-a-side" savings.. hmm..

All-in-all.. one comment, " I AM BROKE"..

Probably there is reason for this brokenness for this mth.. just as I recalled my mum's reaction when I told her that I am considering going for a full-time course next yr.. Its a degree course (which incl adv dip) & its 14mths journey.. It took me quite some time before I decide on it and told her abt it.. Well, I was turned down in a way..

Reason 1: I am going to have a nephew next yr.. which means expenses at home will go up & all the more they will need my income
Reason 2: because of reason no.1, mum might stop work so as to be home to look after the babies.. & this means overall home income will go down, so I cannot afford not to provide for them..

I was sad.. I AM sad..

Mum told me that if its possible, I will wait for another 2yrs or so.. until she gets her CPF money & thence, she will sponsor my edu.. I know that is a lie.. I am sad.. I am totally closed to that option.. because this was the same lie which she told me many many yrs ago when I was planning for my Uni edu.. I felt cheated..Probably that is one reason why I always take things in my own hands.. incl this current dip course in biz mgmt..

Going to poly after my O lvl was a NO coz mum was retrenched tt yr & they have no confidence to see me thro.. Reason for not going U was because John was in his final yr in U.. & dad's CPF was unable to sustain both of us.. mum's too.. so I waited.. & waited.. was told tt John will support me in my Uni.. but how naive was I to believe in that..

I was disappointed..

I was upset..

The pain returned to me today.. just as I was thinking that probably I shld really not dream abt my full time course just as yet.. There's actually quite a no. of things which is still on my waiting list which I wanna go for.. Probably God is keeping the best things for me in life.. Probably He wants me to be trained on my patience.. Perhaps He wants me to endure.. I do not know.. God is probably teaching me how to make plannings.. Perhaps I am too rash in making decisions.. such that He is trying to put a stop.. There's more I can do, I supposed.

Thank you God.. for showing me my eagerness.. & to let me know that it takes time.. rushiness will end me up @ no where..

Thank you God.. for always being there for me..


**Always Keep Him in your heart. In everything, give thanks.. for it is God's will for you in Christ Jesus..**