Why am I thinking differently?

Just as I was sharing w/ Ling abt what I did for Oph, Ling posed me a quest, "I am v curious, why are you feeling guilty/ bad instead?"

Well, this is the overall scenario,

"I'd prepared everything which Oph needed @ her new place.. & its only when I arrived at the doorstep, then I realised she's actually staying w/ her relative."

What was on Ling's thought?

Wah! If its me, I feel so cheated! How could she lie to me?

What was on my mind?

Oh gosh! I should have find out 1st.. By helping her, I could have harm her instead. W/ all the things she has now, all the more she can isolate herself.. If I dont help her, she might still rely on her relatives..

Oh dear..

Why am I feeling this way? What was I thinking? How do I feel abt it? Why do I feel this way? What is my perspective?

As I was digging deep inside me.. hmm.. Probably Sr was right, I'd always been one who wants to be a "hero" to others.. probably true in a way.. but I find that its more because I am just a YES person.. I am somebody who cant seem to turn ppl down whenever they approach me unless its really beyond my mean..

Why would I want to be such a YES person when it comes to helping others? I just cant seem to turn ppl down.. I know the disappointment to be turned down.. & I dont want others to feel this way.. It takes lots of courage to ask for help..

What was I thinking when I decide to help them?

No matter what, I will help them.. even if it means using up all that I have.. w/ all my capabilities.. & my abilities.. my time, my money, my efforts etc.. (so long as its within my means).. all I have belong to God.. If its meant for me, it will come back to me.. & of course, God will definitely help me so long as what I am doing is what He wants me to do.. If not, then I will just take it as a lesson well- learnt..

But ultimately, making someone's life better is definitely something worth doing, even if it means only a short span of time (eg 1sec of laughter).. I certainly dont mean pampering them or what.. But these are usually the ppl who are outcasted etc.. Yes, I may even say tt even if it means giving up my life for that someone.. I believe I am more than willing to do that.. I'd come across one or 2 ocassions previously & what was on my mind at that time was, "Lord, if its Your will, keep my life as I help them.. if not, then take it.."

How true it is.. How awesome it must be.. for such grace & faith God has bestowed upon me..

How am I feeling when I get to help them (successfully)?

I feel at peace.. I am not trying to "buy" peace by helping them but rather, I am at peace because I know they are safe.. they are well-taken care of or because they are out of their difficulties..

This simple little analysis has helped me to understand what was processing on my mind at times of difficulties.. & to know myself better as I start to ask myself questions.. Not v sure if I'd missed out any points.. but that shld be abt all for this incident..

Like what Sr C said, this event has somewhat showed that my heart is working more than my mind.. & its time to integrate my mind + heart.. I just need a little more intellect to think things thro b4 deciding on whether to help and not let the heart take so much of the lead..

Amen I must say. Thanks be to God for staying w/ me throughout this incident & for being w/ me throughout my reflection..

**Always Keep Him in your heart. In everything, give thanks.. for it is God's will for you in Christ Jesus..**